Age 15: The boys you see now will pale in comparison to boys you will meet in a couple of years. Don’t bother.

Age 18: Wear your retainer. When your wisdom teeth erupt and make the retainer an impossible fit, go back to your orthodontist and ask for a new retainer. You have to protect your parents’ investment in your dentition.

Age 19: Don’t apply to study psychology. Put in a bit more elbow grease even though A-Levels are over, and apply to law school.

Age 23: Buy hospitalisation insurance. Buy as much coverage as you can afford. Your employers are decent people, but they are also businessmen and they don’t owe you anything beyond a salary.

Age 24: Don’t go around meeting strangers from the internet unless you’ve been talking to them for a while.

Age 27: Don’t buy a car. Your friend is a decent person but not the best decision-maker around.

Age 28: Someone who relentlessly pursues you is not a person you need to pursue. Let them do the chasing, they prefer things that way.

Age 30: none of the above matters. You’re still alive, you’re in law school, things have turned out all right. Look forward, not back.